I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
