dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
