Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
