please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
