At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
