I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She announced her abortion via fbk
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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