Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
