you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
