I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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