I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
