Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
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I take back everything I said about communal showers
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
