I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
