need another drink. this is the easiest way
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what day is it and did you see me today?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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