Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
