Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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