Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize