dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
