I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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