The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
