Are we in a gay sports bar?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
