Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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