I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
