Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
