So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
