hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
