Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
