he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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