dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Your dad touched me again.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
