I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
