Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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