You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
