I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
