Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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