So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
