He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
