...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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