i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
