Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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