I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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