and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize