what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
