when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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