the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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