You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
