God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize