Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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