You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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