why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
how drunk are you?
Several
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
