Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i drank out of a bidet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
