I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
