Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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