I hate your face
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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