if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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