Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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