okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
