May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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