You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
the liver wants what the liver wants
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
