508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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