i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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