I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
