Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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