I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
