He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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