as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
