Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
