Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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