Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
